I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
