He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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