So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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