i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
