Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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