I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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