i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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