I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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