is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
