She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
