so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
