You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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