I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
