Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
