Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
