I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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