Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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