Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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