That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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