You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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