Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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