ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
