Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it hurts more in the daytime
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
