Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
