When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
