I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
