I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
