I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
