It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
