New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
