it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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