Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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