Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
