it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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