i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
