how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
