I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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