I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
