I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
