I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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