So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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