so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
