just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
