I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
