billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
