tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Terrible idea I love it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
