So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
