His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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