i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
