i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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