Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
