How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
